peetamellarkswife:

she-never-misses:

ohdearalice:

THE HUNGER GAMES - directed by Tim Burton.

Inspired by this quote.

IM FUCKING SCREAMING

stop omg

lizdexia:

Today I had an epiphany while wandering through the housewares and linens sections of Bloomingdale’s. (The only section of that store where anyone asks me if I need any help, by the way. Hey, snobs in clothing and shoes! Fuck yourselves!)

I don’t want to get married. I’ve actually never wanted to get married. You can ask my mom if I ever played bride or held fake weddings as a kid. She will tell you that I absolutely never did. I never romanticized weddings, which probably comes from my parents’ own horrible marriage. My grandpa on my mom’s side was married eight times, twice to the same woman. (This is the super-religious, conservative Southern Baptist side of my family, by the way. My atheist Russian paternal grandparents stayed together their entire lives. Just sayin’!) Almost all of my aunts and uncles are divorced. When my parents were together, all they ever did was fight, and when they split up, still all they did was fight. I was skeptical of marriage from the beginning, is what I’m saying.

However, we live in a society that still dictates that marriage is the Almighty Goal, especially for ladies. Guys have it a bit easier, because you can be a cool bachelor well up into your fifties, or even beyond if you’re a real player. But if you’re a chick and you’re not married by, like, thirty-five? OH HERE GO HELL COME, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU’RE DISGUSTING. There’s this weird, pervasive idea that women go about their lives waiting for “The One,” and if we don’t find ‘em, we’re just supposed to settle for The Two or The Three or whatever, because anything’s better than growing old alone. And I don’t want to get old alone! I’m kind of a romantic at heart, even though I’m super cynical — I think love is awesome and someday not-soon, in the very distant but unavoidable future, I would love to meet a nice guy with a cute face with whom I could settle down and raise a few golden retrievers. I just think that marriage is not that great of an idea, and I don’t want to get married. The idea of it really freaks me out and makes my chest feel all tight and nervous. Also, there’s this equally gross idea that your wedding is supposed to be the BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE! You hear that a lot on, like, Say Yes to the Dress (which I watch on airplanes, okay, shut up). Isn’t that kind of setting the bar pretty low for the rest of your life with this person you supposedly love so much? You really want to peak now? On a day where you’re probably balls-to-the-wall stressed and haven’t eaten in like a week to fit into that dress you paid so much money for and will never wear again? “Fantasy weddings” are a thing, and I’m not really knocking women who are into weddings or who want one — I’m just saying, I really, really, really could not care less about putting a ring on it.

BUT. We still live in this marriage-obsessed world, where unwed long-term couples are still constantly asked “When are you getting married?” We act as if the absence of a ring invalidates years and years of love and commitment. For Christ’s sake, Brangelina’s engagement was front-page news for like a week, and they’re raising an entire child army — you’d think we all knew they’re in it for the long haul, but nope, apparently everyone’s still just waiting for them to throw a big party and have a cake. Because ultimately, that’s all a wedding is, right? A party and a cake, where people give you stuff. (You also get tax breaks and all sorts of legal benefits — I’m not knocking those. That’s the main argument for marriage, in my book.) But it’s so not-kosher to just have a party to celebrate how awesome your relationship is. You have to be getting married. Or you have to be celebrating some big anniversary. Marriage has to be involved in some way.

So you know what? Fuck that noise. When I meet the future father of my dogs, and we hit that point in our relationship, we’re going to just send out invitations that say, “Hey, my significant other and I are going to have a big party! We’re not getting married, but we’ve reached a point in our lives and our relationships that feels significant, and we’d like to celebrate it with you. There will be an open bar and a delicious cake. We’re also moving to a bigger place soon, and we would like new kitchenwares and linens. The old ones we have are still technically functional, but because of how solid we are together, we’d like shiny new stuff, ‘cause we’re awesome. We’re registered at Crate and Barrel. RSVP by May 31! Tootles!” And then we’re just going to throw a big-ass party! I will not wear a white dress, because I look awful in white, but I will go buy something sparkly and my not-husband (nusband?) will wear that outfit I think he looks dapper in, and we’ll have all our friends over and they can give us stuff and eat the delicious dinner and cake we will have provided, and it’ll just be a celebration of love. People will undoubtedly say, “What if you guys break up?” And I will reply, “Would you say that to your friends who were getting married? I mean, there’s a fifty-fifty change that every marriage will fail, but you still bought them silverware.”

My Uncle Al is pretty much the only person in my family to get marriage right. He and his longtime lady-friend Deb got married over last summer in Hawaii, in a very private ceremony. Nobody was obligated to go. They just went on vacation and got married while they were there. Uncle Al is like 60 years old and kind of a badass. He owns a gorgeous condo by the ocean in NorCal, right outside San Francisco, and when he gets tequila drunk at family get-togethers he refers to it as “inviting his friend Bert over for dinner.” Anyway, a while ago I asked him why he and Deb waited so long to get married, and he said, “Well, I’ve always thought marriage should be at the end of the road, not the beginning.” Which is kind of the most awesome way to put it. You don’t need to be married to spend your life with someone you love. It makes things easier after a certain point, but it’s not a necessity, and marriage does not necessarily make your relationship stronger — ultimately, it’s just a piece of paper, and having that piece of paper doesn’t make you any more committed than you were the day before.

But God. I don’t want to pay for my own housewares.

Honestly, this is how people used to get married: “I commit to you, you commit to me. Sweet, now let’s go tell people we’re hitched!” 

There wasn’t all this fuss about rings and churches and white dresses. And that doesn’t sound all that bad, really…

what-if-satan:

melodyviolation:

flameo-instantnoodles:

benedict-reichenbatch:

shadowxsama:

swaggaraptor:

polychromaticdragon:

funniest10k:

howdarenyou

This photo should be on everyone’s blog at least once.

…is that drake and josh?

omg I think it is

What is going on

My boys

Omg.

What?

That’s hot

coffeeatmidnight:

~desistance *Explore* by Jay Daley on Flickr.